Guest posts

Lately, I’ve done a pretty awesome job at giving people some horrible advice. From blogging to Twitter, I’ve generously dispensed copious amounts of wisdom. And today will be no different.

Writing a guest post for someone else’s blog is still one of the best ways to grow your blog. And if you want to be truly horrible at it, here’s what you should do:

1. Don’t actively read the blog you want to guest post for.
Whatever you do, don’t try to understand the community you want to write a post for. Go in blind. The less you know about the heart of that blog, the better!

2. Don’t play to your strengths.
Are you really funny and artsy? Find a highly detailed and technical blog to guest post on. Are you deep and serious? Find a funny blog to write for. Don’t play to your strengths.

3. Don’t submit it via the normal channels.
If the blog you want to write for has a submission form, don’t send it in via that. Email it directly. Let that blog know right out of the gates that you play it fast and loose!

4. Don’t check if they’ve already written about the same topic.
You don’t have time to be reading that blog! What a waste. By all means don’t use their search feature to try to determine if they’ve already covered a certain topic 1,000 times.

5. Submit content that has nothing to do with the heart of the blog.
If you disobey rule number 1 and actually figure out what the blog is make sure you don’t follow it. Got a blog about organic food you want to write for? Write about fritos. Blog about relationships? Write about ships.

6. Cram your post full of links.
You’re not submitting a guest post because it’s fun to blog, you’re submitting it to get more traffic for your blog. Cram that sucker full of as many links as you can back to your site and twitter feed.

7. Typos!
Proofreading is not you’re job. It’s they’re job. Send in that post full of errors!

8. Constantly ask them if they are going to use it.
Speaking of rejection, the best thing you can do is to send the blogger an email every day asking (demanding) if they are going to use your post.

9. Shame them if they won’t use it.
Nothing builds a strong relationship like shame. If they won’t use it, make sure you make them feel horrible about their stupid, stupid face.

10. Don’t comment if they do use it.
If by some stroke of craziness they actually do use your horrible guest post, make sure you don’t participate in the comments that day. You’re not going for community, you’re going for traffic! Move on to the next guest posting opportunity.

I hope this has been helpful and wish you the best in your goal of creating truly horrible guest posts.

What horrible advice for guest posting would you add?