There’s so much great blogging advice online. The interwebs are full of great tips, but what if you want to have a horrible blog? What if you want to alienate readers, make more enemies than friends and just have an awful go of it?

Fear not friend, I am here for you.

10 horrible blogging tips.

1. If you want to start a rich, healthy dialogue, write a post about the ways parents should discipline their kids. For added fun, float the topic of spanking.

2. Save money on your host. The name of the game is “cheap.” Don’t worry about up time or things like that. Try to find the cheapest host possible.

3. People came to your blog to see selfies. Don’t disappoint them. Don’t be greedy, give us a buffet of selfies in which you are at the mall, at McDonald’s, at a pet store, etc.

4. Write really interesting headlines that have nothing to do with the actual blog post. For example, I should have named this blog post, “10 ways to make easy money in 1 step!” So many people would have clicked on that on Twitter!

5. Made your header 98% of the screen. People didn’t come here to read your blog, they came here to bask in the warm glow of your header. Make it huge!

6. Every time you tweet a link to your blog, ask people to retweet it. Never just make your content so good that people want to retweet it, instead beg for a RT. It’s a lot easier than getting good at writing.

7. Don’t give credit for the photos you use. Photographers are a very shy group and feel embarrassed when people credit their photos.

8. Automatically believe that anyone who disagrees with you or does not support the causes you write about hates you. Further the idea in culture that there are only two options: You wildly support me or you’re a hatemonger. It’s the only way we can continue to murder dialogue.

9. Write 10,000 word novellas for your blog posts. If there’s one thing people are getting these days it’s longer attention spans.

10. Only share the good stuff of your life. People hate authenticity, they love production. Be as fake as you can be, only showcasing the moments in your life that look like they were pulled directly off a pinterest board.

Well, I hope those were helpful. If not, perhaps you’d like to talk about the right way to discipline kids.

What other horrible blog tips would you add?